


You Hold Him

by HicSuntDracones



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, I'm Sorry, M/M, Merlin gets a raw deal, No happy endings, POV Second Person, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 02:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17972612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HicSuntDracones/pseuds/HicSuntDracones
Summary: Fate is not kind to it's pawns. It is always here, always now, always you. And you hold him.





	You Hold Him

You hold him as he dies. As he chokes out his last words, tells you he loves you and you sob and say how sorry you are, that you couldn't protect him this time. He says don't be, says thank you, says hold me. A last kiss and he's gone. And you hold him.

And then, you  _see_. 

You are no seer like Morgana, have never been blessed with knowledge of the future, but this is not the future you are seeing. This is  _everything_.

Every world, every time, every day he dies in your arms. World like this one, where he wears armor and you cast spells and it's a sword wound that's taking him from you even as you beg him to stay. There's worlds farther away, still armor clad but so very different because there is no kiss as he leaves. Those worlds have a King and a Queen and no room for magic, but you are still here holding him. There are worlds where he dies for glory, for honor, for his kingdom, wherever that may be. There are worlds where he dies for nothing, for vanity, for pride and selfishness and by accident or a cruel roll of Fate's dice. There are worlds where he dies for himself, insists he must, that it is his duty. There are worlds he dies for you, your name on his lips as he sinks to his knees, weak smile on his face because at least you are safe. His sorcerer, his best friend, his love. 

But through every time, every place, every world, one thing stays the same. 

He always dies here, always dies now, always in your arms. And you hold him. 

You hold him and you grieve because he will come back, he will never come back, he will love you again, he will never love you, he will love you for the first and last time. But this is not the future, this is now, and he's growing cold in your arms as you scream, because right here, right now, you were lucky. In this world you loved him and he loved you back, you've kissed and you've held and you've said 'I Do' and fulfilled destiny, but Fate is not kind to her pawns. 

Because he is here, he is dying, he is dead. It is always here, always now, always you. And you hold him.

You hold him.

**Author's Note:**

> So I entered the Merlin fandom about a week ago. I am sad because I watched this show when I was younger, but stopped watching it sometime around season 4; this past week I found out how it ends and needless to say I am getting all the feels and want to die in a hole. So of course I made it worse on myself by writing an angsty drabble and throwing Merthur in for good measure.(Because they were so gay) Suffer with me.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr @hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon come scream at me if you've got feels you don't know what to do with


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